Tag: Life

Sugar, butter, BROADWAY!

When Covid hit, New York gradually started to shut down some of the biggest staples that kept the heart beating in our Big Apple. Landmark after landmark went down, but when Broadway went dark I knew that this pandemic was serious. I took the loss of the great white way harder than I wanted to admit. Theater was a part of the magic that my younger self found in New York City. It was my own oasis of a glittery escape in my own backyard. I pictured the normally lit signs dim as the streets lay deserted with no usual foot traffic and life to pound the pavement. Sad wasn’t the word, I was devastated with no control of what was to come and it was the scariest feeling to watch my city slowly go dim.

I know we aren’t out of the woods yet. The threat still remains real but we are figuring out every day a little more pieces to the puzzle. Science is working double time and the lights are coming back to my beautiful hometown.

The last time we saw a show was November 25, 2019. Katharine McPhee was back on Broadway reprising her role as Jenna Hunterson in Waitress. We’d seen the show twice by then but couldn’t resist going back to see our girl tear the roof off the place again. We were 13 days into our new marriage already kicked in the teeth by the thoroughs of life. We needed an escape desperately and Waitress more than delivered. Our mutual love for the arts is one of the many things my wife and I share and this show was no different. Life was good in that evening, there was no reality, no stress, we were having a date we both needed.

Today after 650 days since our last show and 555 days into the Covid-19 pandemic in New York, I can happily and gratefully say that we made our return to Broadway and back to the diner. I felt like a kid on Christmas. A bundle of nerves being exposed to crowds again (we were all masked and vaccinated or tested) but excited to be back in the theater. It’s been almost a year and a half since I’ve seen Times Square and today I took it all in like I was seeing it for the first time. Waitress was revived and brought to the Barrymore Theatre directly across the street from its original home at Brook Atkinsons. I’ve dreamed about this day, I’ve mourned the idea that lights would never come on again and I cannot explain how happy I am to have spent time inside of a Broadway show again. The world has a ways to go but these gifts of what was once reminds me to never take advantage of what you have in front of you because it can be gone in an instant. I am thankful, humbled. Thanks for taking to me to the moon, Waitress. I’ve missed you and I’ve missed my city more than I could explain.

Wife heading to the theater.

Covid Summer Vs. 2021 Summer

Last year feels like it’s blended into this present year but there’s been some vast differences in my Summers. Last year, we spent vigilant and on guard. There was little to no eating out, no going places indoors, and nothing was truly certain. Truthfully, I was miserable if I’m honest. I’ve always thrived being near people and being in the thick of mental health struggles, I needed people more than ever. However, despite the struggle I was in best shape of my life. It is amazing when you’re limited with things to do just how creative someone can become. I spent more time outside, I walked the poor stumps off of my dog and I was more connected to nature (or as connected as I could be in a city) than ever before. There was a few silver linings that came out of the quarantine and my time outside was a massive one. I was able to find some sort of comfort in moving my body and embracing any fresh air I could get my hands on. It was a quiet time of learning and finding out just how creative one could get in hard times.

This year the world is waking back up again. While the Delta variant is still a danger, I find myself getting to do much more than I did last year. I’m able to see people in most settings, I’m able to go to dinner like we used to, I’m still working from home which sucks and makes the days really long but the weekends are filled with busy activities again. The world feels more awake and normal but I find myself lethargic at times. I miss being forced to do things that made me move more, I miss being outside on a constant basis. I know all of that is still attainable but the distractions are back and I’m struggling to find that necessary balance for both. Covid Summer gave me a lot to realize and I’m glad I did and this Summer gave me my time with family and friends back, who I missed more than ever.

My experience in finding the right therapist. (And breaking up with one too.)

Disclaimer: I am in no way qualified to give medical or mental health advice. I am simply someone who’s had their own mental health experiences and want to share my processes used for treatment. This post is in no way medical advice.

The process of finding a therapist can be daunting. Often people begin the arduous search for this unbiased resource to help them when they are at the most heightened state creating a miserable search that too many people could get burned out by. If you have insurance, there’s finding a provider that is in your network and then getting the consultation to see if they are a good match for the help you want provided. If you don’t have insurance, it’s even harder because the process often becomes about finding a therapist that remains cost effective to a budget but also suits your needs and gets the help that you’re looking for. Once the initial steps are taken, there are things I like to look for in a therapist to provide the best care for the issue I want to be maintained.

  1. Someone who specializes in goals I want to set or issues that I want to help manage for myself.
  2. Someone who listens to me without judgment.
  3. Someone who can be relatable but also not use the session to talk more about themselves entirely, but focus on the task at hand for that session while providing insight.
  4. Someone who holds boundaries in our professional relationship and doesn’t allow me to become overly attached to them.
  5. Someone who doesn’t blame me or others for my struggles but rather helps me accept myself for who I am in that moment and who I can become along the way.

This list can be added to or even subtracted but it is my baseline set of standards that I used to find my current therapist that I work with. My first therapist in 2020 was helpful but became someone who stepped outside of the standards that I wanted to set for my healing journey. “Breaking up” with this therapist was difficult because I developed an unhealthy attachment to them. After a while, it became apparent that our time together was becoming toxic, and I needed to start over with someone else. It was a scary thing to tell this person, but I gathered my courage and left a short and simple text message that while I was grateful for our time together, I no longer felt that they could help me any further. Thankfully, their response was cordial which eased my anxiety about leaving but it didn’t make any less nerve wracking to do. Change is hard especially when you’re not feeling your best, but it is possible to do. It’s important to stay true to your journey and make sure that you have the appropriate person to help you along the way.

If you have insurance, you can use your insurance’s website data base but if you want a broader search for a mental health professional, I’ve used psychologytoday.com with great success.

Once Upon a Penny

I got my first dog at age 7 because I was terrified of dogs. My parents were on a mission to break this fear in the only way that they knew how, which was exposure to having an animal in the house. For about a month I was terrified until eventually I picked up the dog’s toy and we started playing together. From there we became the best of friends and all fears were gone. He was with my family until I was 20 years old. After him, I wasn’t sure if loving another pet was an option because my heart hurt so badly from his loss then I met my wife and her family, and their zoo of animals and I was hooked. I knew eventually I would want an animal of my own again, but I never really could settle on when or what type of dog I would want.

The internet introduced me to the Pembroke Welsh Corgi breed. I was instantly in love. Everything about the breed was easy to love, their tiny bodies, their little legs, but most importantly their personality. I have never seen a dog with that much personality in a tiny body. From what I saw online, Corgis are so expressive and great companions to all their owners and their families. I knew this would be the breed for me, but it always felt out of reach because of the cost to get one from a reputable breeder. The average cost of a Corgi in the USA ranges from $1,200 – $3,300. This cost was always out of my price range and I never imagined becoming a Corgi owner because of that.

Fast forward to November 2020 and I was hit by the most unlikely of news. My wife follows Long Island animal shelters to browse for a new member of our home. The timing was never right, the breed was never what we wanted. There was always some reason not to get an animal. Until one night when she showed me a listing for a 2 year old female Pembroke Welsh Corgi. It was like seeing a shooting star! Most Corgis are surrendered to rescues as adults and younger ones are incredibly hard to come by in a rescue setting. While adopting older dogs and senior dogs are just as beautiful to do, I was desperate to bond with a dog from a young age so when I saw this, I immediately sprang into action. The next day came and I called the shelter to submit paperwork for adoption. This was too unlikely of a circumstance to overthink the possibilities of life after our quarantine. This was my dream breed that needed rescuing. Once our applications and references checked out, we arranged a meeting for the next weekend.

This was the first picture we ever saw of Penny.

The anticipation of the meeting was like waiting for Christmas morning. My wife and I were over the moon with excitement and it just carried into our meeting with our potential new dog and the rescue team. We all chatted for about 30 minutes and we were given the information that due to her being picked up with a chip (despite her previous owners not answering). The dog was legally obligated to stay within the shelter for 14 days in case the previous owners wanted to claim her. We weren’t thrilled with the idea but followed the rules and waited what felt like a lifetime of 14 days until we received the confirmation phone call that she was officially ours. She would be spayed before she was given to us and we could pick her up directly after the surgery. We began rushing around like new dog parents and getting all the supplies before the pickup day.

Pick up day arrived, and we bolted to the shelter to pick up our new dog. She was surrendered with the name football, but the shelter renamed her Penelope, and we kept the name. Little Penny Lane was the newest member of our family and it couldn’t have come at a better of a time. I was going through some of my worst times mentally and getting a companion like a Corgi felt like just what I needed. Once she recovered from her surgery, her personality shined through making the heaviness in our house a little bit lighter, giving me a daily purpose to fuss after something other than myself, and completing the dream of mine in being a Corgi owner. She saved me in ways I’ll never be able to thank her for, but I will spend the rest of her life doing my best to try to show her just how much she means. A dog is without a doubt a big responsibility but one I’ll never regret because she came into my life when I needed her the most. She’s the perfect addition to our growing family and one of the biggest highlights of the shitstorm that was 2020.

Our first picture together as a duo.

Blogtember

I’ve been writing since I can spell. For as long as I can remember, writing was an emotional outlet that allowed to express myself in ways I didn’t know were possible to do. As a child, I wrote elaborate handwritten birthday cards expressing how I felt for loved ones because it was one of my favorite ways to say it without appearing too repetitive or not acting my age. As a teenager into my early 20s, I created an entire world in written roleplay on MySpace with my character as a way to experience life on my own terms and meet others who were doing the same. It was the ultimate escape and what would lead me to find the love of my life in the real world outside of the pages of writing. Writing has always fit somewhere into my identity in an obvious way and I’ve never questioned my place in it until now.

As an adult, life gets in the way. Anxiety flares up, I’m living experiences in real time and sometimes so swept away by it all I’m exhausted. However, the ember is still flickering inside of me and a craving for self-expression. I still consider myself a writer but I find myself getting lost in the comparison to others. I’m surrounded by such an insane amount of talent in the Twitter world and my tiny NaNoWriMo platform and it’s been a daunting task to try and keep up. Am I an author exclusively or can I be a blogger too? Am I up for the challenge of consistent publishing and marketing? Can I stick to a deadline? I’ve found I’ve had a lot of difficulty with self-trust and I want to be able to keep a promise to myself in one of the safest places in my world; my writing.

I’ve tried series on here and always somehow embarrassed myself along the way with some sort of excuse as to why or how I couldn’t continue. I want to make the change and train myself with Blogtember. I’ve decided to do this now versus December because as of this month, my life is going to pick up to a level of pre-Covid speeds. Am I crazy for trying this during that? Probably. But, I am eager to build this stamina in my writing. It’s who I am, it’s one of my gifts and I want to use it as a wisely as I can. I’m going to be creating a table of contents below that can be used to enjoy the entire 30 days of this journey. I’ve had some topics I’ve wanted to discuss and some personal journeys I want to document. All of these will contain links as each article becomes published so you can use this to follow along.

30 days of September:

  1. Introduction
  2. Once Upon a Penny
  3. My experience in finding the right therapist. (And breaking up with one too.)
  4. Covid Summer Vs. 2021 Summer
  5. Sugar, Butter, BROADWAY!
  6. The Pieces of Me – Acceptance Journey
  7. The Silver Linings of a Pandemic
  8. The realization of my people-pleasing.
  9. ~~~~DAY OF REST~~~~
  10. Connection for the disconnected: TLP experience
  11. September 11th – 20 years later
  12. I LOVE NY
  13. My experience with Headspace
  14. The Dare App Premium Access (Review)
  15. Hard decisions to make (Life during Covid-19)
  16. Dream Hunter: A short story
  17. My love hate relationship with Social Media
  18. My Mental Health Update
  19. The Truth About Self-Love
  20. ‘Twas’ the Night Before A Very Delayed Honeymoon
  21. Disney World: Travel Day
  22. Disney World: Day One
  23. Disney World: Day Two
  24. Disney World: Day Three
  25. Disney World: Day Four
  26. Disney World: Day Five
  27. The Disney Downs are Real
  28. My experience traveling in Covid
  29. Dear Me,
  30. Blogtember Wrap Up.